


The World's Not Waiting (For Exorcists in a Hopeless Situation)

by Crowoxy



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Adventure, Allen just wants answers, Customer Service horrors, D.Gray-man Big Bang 2018, DGMBB2018, Gen, Kanda regrets everything, Lenalee wants to rebel, Leverage AU, Miranda is the best, No one likes the Church, Noah shenanigans, Some Humor, Sort Of, The Sheril/Miranda is slight and basically nonexistant, The kids decide to go sneaking around, and then the asshole shows up, party time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-05 11:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15862488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowoxy/pseuds/Crowoxy
Summary: After the attack on Headquarters by the Noah for a Egg, exorcist Lenalee Lee receives a tip of where the Noah live and that they are throwing a party in a few days time. She should have mentioned this to someone other than her fellow Exorcists but parties were great for information-gathering and Lenalee was getting tired of being in the dark and having people die because of it.So now, Lenalee, Allen, Kanda, Lavi, and Miranda are on a mission to sneak into the party, surrounded on all sides by the Noah family. What could possibly go wrong? (Everything)Featuring: Snarky teenagers and adults, politically savvy nobles who enjoy harassing the poor wait staff, and Komui, who deserves a warning just on his own.





	1. Saturday Night is Alright for Gossip

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome everyone to my submission for the D.Gray-Man Big Bang 2018! This story has been kicking my butt due to circumstances (i.e. sickness, busted computer, PROCRASTINATION, take your pick) but I can't say it hasn't been fun. I'm this goes well, but please let me know if there are any typos or errors that you see because Google Docs on an Ipad really didn't like me.

_**Kamelot Residence - April 11th**  _

 

The Kamelot residence, a respectable distance away from the city as dictated by the Minister of Foreign Affairs, was normally quiet; an almost death-like stillness surrounded the manor and muted any signs of life. However, among the cloudy countryside, there was a hustle of activity occurring among the grounds. Workers of all shapes and sizes scurried to and fro, many carrying impossibly sized loads with very little problems. A woman in white, her blonde hair curled up in tight pins against her head, turned every each way, directing the flow of traffic with an air of someone who has been trained for it her entire life. Tricia Kamelot had in fact been trained managing a household and all its functions from the time she was a young lass, living in the Teleki estate in Hungary. Her illness, which she contracted just a scant few months after marrying her beloved, sometimes made it difficult to manage everything, but the servants were remarkably self-sufficient, and she only really needed to be seen when important parties needed organizing; such as the one planned in two days’ time, to celebrate the cease-fire her husband had acquiesced to.

“Huh, Tricia is really getting involved with this party business,” a young teenager with dark spiky hair chewed on a straw sitting in a half-filled glass, on top of a balcony overlooking the front gardens of the manor. Her companion looked mournfully at his empty glass between his fingers, before placing down on the guardrail with a soft _clink_. He ran a hand through his shoulder-length hair, sighing as strands of hair fell to the ground below.

“Shouldn’t you be helping her and learning the trade? You are her daughter after all.” Tyki Mikk, part-time hobo and part-time noble, said with a glance to his much shorter companion.

“Adopted daughter,” Road Kamelot, one of the oldest teenagers alive, didn’t turn her head before reaching to swat Tyki’s quick moving hand away from one of several ribbons she had tied to her outfit. “Besides, she doesn’t have anything else to do around her. Let her have her fun since she doesn’t have a lot of time remaining. Such a dreadful illness.”

“Your sympathy for your own adopted mother just moves hearts to tears.” Tyki rolled his eyes. “I might even believe you would cry at her funeral.”

“Oh please. No one would cry at her funeral. Tricia, dearest adoptive mother of mine -”

“Who you are older than.”

“- who I am older than, yes thank you for that informative input, Tyki. But my dearest adoptive mother of mine won’t be wasting away in the ground for more than five minutes before being brought back and significantly more useful than she is now.”

They fell silent and watched as Tricia bustled about the garden, sleeves rolled up, and snapping out orders to the workers to place everything _perfectly_. Indeed, it was laughable how little the entire family regarded Tricia’s place among them. The Noah were a tight-knit family group, but Tyki knew how exclusive that line between what was considered family ran. It might have been something to do with how the Noah were all reincarnations of God’s most hated enemy stuck neck deep in a deeply religious world, but Tyki preferred Road’s theory of how the Noah clan, including the Millennium Earl, were all just _better_ than the average human.

“I still can’t believe she married my brother.” Tyki voiced after a few minutes of staring, pulling out a cigarette from a pack hidden in his shirt pocket and placing it between his teeth. He didn’t light the stick, letting his teeth chew on the end from habit.

“It’s all about the image,” Road shrugged, jumping up to sit on the rail thin balcony, her legs short enough to swing back and forth without touching the floor. “Papa Sheril,” she added sweetly, grinning at Tyki’s involuntary shudder, “knows having the perfect nuclear family is good for his reputation with the nobles. It is one of the main reasons he adopted me into the Kamelot family.”

“Ugh, we both know practical reasons were at the bottom of my brother’s list. He’s just a creep.” Tyki muttered. It wasn’t that Tyki didn’t get along with Sheril or not tolerate him, but if he could ask to be related to any of the other Noah in his current incarnation instead of Sheril, Tyki would jump at the opportunity. There had been a reason Tyki ran away from home and befriended a group of miners; 85% of it had been to get away from his.. _lovable_ older brother, while the rest had been pure spite and pettiness. Tyki loved being spiteful and petty; being a chosen vessel for the truest of God’s Children had nothing to do with it.

Tyki flinched as Road’s sharp nail poked his arm, deliberately hard enough that he could feel the indents his arm would have once she stopped. “Ne, Tyki,” Road poked him a few more times, “stop being rude to your family. It’s mean.”

“It’s self-preservation.” He said too quietly to be heard, done with the topic of conversation. He knew how loyal the rest of the Noah, the rest of his family, was to each other, but Tyki was different. He didn’t feel the need to rely on his brothers and sisters, he didn’t have that bond of dependency the others seemed to possess. But it was an unspoken problem, not one he wished to ever have a family discussion about.

With a deftness he wasn’t sure he still possessed after getting stabbed in the chest with a great sword made of Innocence, Tyki snagged the purple ribbon Road had tied loosely to the sleeve of her blouse. Ignoring her screech of protest, Tyki gathered up his too long strands of hair and tied the ribbon tightly, breathing a sigh of relief as his hair was finally out of his face. He hated having hair this long, it was too bothersome to take care of.

“I’m sick of this hair,” he complained, flicking the ends of his ponytail. “I’m thinking of cutting it.”

“No way!” Road punched his stomach and Tyki nearly doubled over as the dull pain from the scar flared up. “I like your long hair, cut it and die!” Her hand shot out once more, tapping him lightly in the chest. “That was for taking my ribbon, you jer - Tyki?”

“Ow.” His chest ached, a low fire building in the area that Road had hit. Being a Noah meant he had forgotten how much pain wounds actually caused; until he had been slashed by a sword made from Innocence.

Road pushed herself into Tyki’s space, her face twisted into a rare expression of worry. “Does it still hurt from where Allen cut you?” She asked softly.

Before Tyki could respond - and he had thought of a witty unconcerned one-liner to throw back at Road - a rolled up stain handkerchief nailed Road right in the side of the head.

“Road, dear!” Tricia stood directly in front of the balcony, with an outstretched arm waving in their direction and a smile on her face. “Stop hurting your Uncle Tyki and come down here to help me finish setting up! What would your father say, with you being so close to your uncle?”  

Road didn’t hesitate; any concern she had showed Tyki vanished as she leaned over the balcony to wave back at Tricia in childish glee. “Ah, something about how adorable we are?”  

“Hmmm, you’re probably right. You are fiendishly cute and Tyki much too handsome for his own good.”

“Never mind, I can see why my brother married her,” Tyki groaned. His brother would think it cute, much to Tyki’s disgust. “They have the same shitty sense of humor.”

“Aw, you just need to relax more, Tyki~pon!” Road stood on the balcony railing, using the extra height to pat Tyki’s head. “And make sure you heal up before the party, O.K? You need to be ready to crush those hearts with your looks. Maybe spend time with Lulu, she needs some comfort after the whole failure to get the egg debacle.” Road opened her arms up wide and fell backwards from the railing, waiting until she was a few feet off the ground to flip around and land gently on her feet.

“Road, how many times must I tell you to not do that?” Tyki watched as Tricia strode up to Road and straightened the collar of her dress. “It rumples up your clothes and creates wrinkles.”

Tyki wasn’t looking forward to the party; it wasn’t like the peace talks would actually achieve anything, making the event rather pointless in the grand scheme of things. And he would be hounded by noble ladies who couldn’t get enough of him in suits. It was bound to be boring. He sighed and turned to go inside the manor. Road was right about one thing; Lulubell had been almost inconsolable since her failed mission to retrieve the Akuma Egg from the Black Order European Headquarters two days ago. Even now, if he concentrated he could hear a faint mewling cry echo throughout the manor. Tyki didn’t envy the Earl who had been deemed Lulubell’s personal lap pillow since she had returned.

 

_**Kamelot Residence - April 13th** _

 

“Sheril, I’m so bored.”

Guests filled the ballroom floor of the Kamelot residence, the marble floors polished brightly to reflect everyone in the room. Humans from the two countries came together, all dressed smartly and to impress the Minister of Foreign Affairs, Sheril Kamelot, the host of the party. He currently looked down on everyone in the room from the second floor, with Road by his side. Nobles in vibrant fabrics to show off their wealth laughed behind their hands at gossip their companions whispered conspiratorially to them. It was all mundane and it was all by his design.

Down below, his beautiful wife was mingling between all the guests, making sure everything was running smoothly as possible between conversations. His younger brother was also mingling, drink in one hand as he smiled and several people around him giggled in admiration.

“Sheril, I’m bored!” Road, his dearest darling of an adopted daughter - who was the second oldest in their family, hilariously enough - grabbed a fork from one of the server trays and stabbed him lightly in the side.

“That’s not very ladylike, lovely daughter of mine.” Sheril grinned at Road amusedly, giving the server the fork back with a curt nod of his head. “Why don’t you go play with some of the other children at the party instead of hurting your Papa, like that?”  

“Because I would rather spend time with my so very busy Papa,” Road said sweetly. “And discuss the horror that is Lady Genelle’s outfit.”

“Don’t let your childish tastes cloud your judgement, my dear. Lady Genelle has nothing on the monstrosity that is Lady Marchelette’s dress. Look at all those layers of fabric, that is much too outdated.”

“Maybe so, but have you seen Baron Arlange’s hair? He could fit an entire flock of pigeons inside that haystack.”

“Very astute observation. Ho, ho, who is this?” From one of the tables displaying bite sized snacks for the guests, a woman turned and started making her way through the room. Nothing suspicious about that; everyone invited at this party was expected to do the same. But that was the thing, Sheril remembered every person he had invited to this party; knew their faces, backgrounds, and had at least three pieces of blackmail on each individual. He did not recognize this guest.

She had a rather plain face framed by set curls spilling past her shoulders, and bangs rested upon her forehead. She wore a gown of deep purple - a color associated with confidence and royalty - and silver earrings sparkled from the light emitting from the chandelier. Like so many other nobles at the party, she easily joined a group in heavy conversation, only pausing in her talk to grab a flute of champagne from a server.

“Road, do you perchance know who the guest in the purple _Toilette_ gown conversing with Marquis Pellantae?” Sheril asked, “I do not remember seeing her ever before.”

“She could be a guest that was sent in regards from another family. I haven’t seen the Duke or Duchess Fontaine or Lord Jauqin at all tonight and they’ve both done this before.” Road peered as closely as she could from so far away. “Although, she does look familiar, but I can’t remember where I’ve seen her before.”

“No matter,” Sheril shrugged, turning back to their ‘game’, “Now, is it my turn to criticize our guests’ fashion choices for the evening or yours?”

 


	2. Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lenalee gets the news she's been waiting for and is forever ready to dropkick Central into space.

_**Kamelot Residence - April 11th**  _

 

The day after the invasion from the Akuma, led by the Noah named Lulubell, was a solemn one for the members of the Black Order, especially in the Science Department. Lenalee Lee, though she was an exorcist, mourned with the remaining science teams, comforting those she could as prayers and funeral rites were performed through her own tears. She had lost friends, people she included in her circle of family members, in the unprecedented attack from the Noah family, and she could grieve for them just as she would anyone else.

Her ankles tingled and Lenalee rubbed her legs together, trying to get rid of the never-ending itch that had started the moment her Innocence had evolved when facing the level 4 Akuma. While she was grateful for the increase in synchronicity between her and her Dark Boots, she missed the comfort and the small degree of separation she had before her boots turned into a anklet - a shackle - made from her own blood. It made her too much of a martyr for her liking, not even including the stigma scars she now bore on her legs; as if she needed any more scars to prove she was an exorcist.

Headquarters was dark, most of the lamps turned off to allow the group to grieve for their losses. Lenalee enjoyed it; she was currently walking down an empty corridor near her brother’s office and relished in the quiet that was so hard to find these days. Her Innocence had interested Central, and since she had returned from Japan after being crystallized, the special investigator for the Vatican had been hounding her every step, demanding she undergo more tests. Lenalee knew that the moment everyone started getting back up on their feet, Special Inspector Lvellie would be back to strap her to a table to investigate her new crystal type Innocence.  

The tranquility of the hallway was broken by a shrill ringing and Lenalee turned to see her personal golem floating behind her, it’s face lit up with an incoming message. Wondering who could be trying to reach her now of all times, she lightly tapped the golem’s head, blinking as a bright blue light lit up the dark hall. It wasn’t an exceptionally clear image, but Lenalee recognized the figure waving at her through the golem.

“Finder Son,” Lenalee greeted the Finder, one of her long-time friends within the Order, in Chinese.

“Long time no speak, Ms. Li!” Goku Son had traveled with her brother from the Asian Branch Order to the European Branch when Komui had been assigned as the Head Chief officer, claiming that he couldn’t imagine working in a place without Komui and his explosions. Komui had later explained to her between giggles that Mr. Son was bored traveling through Asia trying to scout out the Innocence cubes and wanted to see if Europe held any more excitement. “You cut your hair, I like it very much.”

“Ah, thank you, Mr. Son.” Lenalee smiled softly, touching the ends of her hair by her neck. The short length was growing on her… but she would happier once her hair grew back out.

“Of course! How is your brother doing? I just spoke with him last week, did he ever make that new Komui-bot he spoke to me about?”

“Actually, Mr. Son,” Lenalee hesitated, biting her lip. “Yesterday, we were attacked by the Noah and a horde of Akuma at Headquarters. Big brother is fine, but we lost a good number of the Science Division. Maybe after we’re done talking, you could call him? He does love hearing from you.”

Mr. Son frowned in the golem’s light, his usual cheerful demeanor diminishing as he took in the news. Everyone who worked with the Black Order was intimately familiar with the casualties of the job; knowing that they could be dead within moments should the Earl wish, as much as the Vatican tried to deny it.

“Yes, I think I will. But I hope the news I bring you won’t be as troublesome.”

“News?”

“Do you remember that favor you asked of me, oh, how many months ago? About finding the Noah going by the name Road Kamelot?” Mr. Son held up a letter bearing fancy written script in what looked like gold ink. “The catering company I am working with on the side received an order for a party celebrating the peace treaty deal that’s supposed to take effect next week. The Minister of Foreign Affairs that’s hosting? Sheril Kamelot.” The picture in the golem switched to show a printout of a youngish middle-aged man with a monocle in his right eye. There was something familiar about his face that Lenalee couldn’t put her finger on, some aspect that she could swear she had seen before.

“But there’s a lot of Kamelots in politics,” the documents she occasionally peeked at while delivering them to the appropriate personnel could certainly attest to that. “How sure are you that this is where Road Kamelot stays?”

“A hundred percent,” Mr. Son grinned. “I volunteered to go speak with the Lady of the House about the semantics, costing, amount, the usual. And wouldn’t you know it, a small girl matching the description and image you gave me was running around upstairs.”

Lenalee felt the air leave her lungs. _Finally_. The Noah base had always been a mystery to the Black Order, never knowing exactly where and when the enemies of God would strike. They had moved across the world to intercept the exorcists from collecting Innocence but no one in the Order could even say what their names were. Until Germany, with Allen, Miranda, Lenalee, and the newly named Road Kamelot. Following her gut instinct, Lenalee had called a few of the Finders around the world that she knew reasonably well and asked them to look for the sadistic teenager, preferably discreetly. Lenalee had no such illusions that the Vatican would approve of her looking for the Noah; look at how they reacted with poor Allen who didn’t have any knowledge of his association with the Noah family.

“That’s fantastic, Mr. Son.” Lenalee smiled into the golem. “It’s the kind of news I definitely needed to know.” At her request, Mr. Son showed her the flyer for the party information and Lenalee jotted down all the information on a scrap of paper and pen she found in her jacket pocket.

Lenalee plotted as she said her goodbyes to the Finder; the party was in three days and the exorcists weren’t healed up yet from the attack on Headquarters, Lenalee included. But this was too good of an opportunity to pass up; too good of a chance to sneak into the Noah strong base for information. The Noah family had human lives and Lenalee realized, with a grim determination, that no one in the Black Order had taken advantage of that weakness before. She needed to move quickly, there were less than three days to prepare and travel, and it was necessary that most of the exorcists be on board for this to work. Otherwise it would nothing more than a suicide mission; not that was too out of the ordinary for an exorcist.

 

* * *

 

“You want us to _what_?”

“Sneak in to the Noah mansion, gather intel, and try not to die.” Lenalee said patiently for the fourth time, sitting cross-legged on her bed as the handful of other exorcists lingered around the room in various positions. Kanda Yu was sitting next to her on the bed, back pressed against the wall as he polished his katana, Mugen. Miranda and Allen were sitting shoulder to shoulder on the floor, the former nervously pressing her fingers together, while the later played with his golden golem Timcampy, rolling it around and around in his hands.

“Not to crash what sounds like an amazing plan,” Lavi, who was leaning casually against the wall by her door, “but are you sure that’s the wisest plan to do, seeing how we’re all pretty injured from the last Noah attack? Which was yesterday?”

“I’m not making anyone come with me. I’m going because I think it’s a smart idea, even if Nurse just released some of us. It’ll be nice to have some backup just in case, but it’s not like we’re going in there planning on a fight. We need this information.” Was everyone formally cleared by Nurse to leave the Medical Ward? She hadn’t considered since Kanda, Allen, and Marie, who had pulled out some string to play with while sitting on the edge of the bed, were all notorious for sneaking out once Nurse had turned her back on their beds. Most of the people in the room were still wearing bandages to cover their wounds, and she knows Allen walked into her room gingerly, one arm pressed tightly against his ribs as he moved. Lenalee was exhausted and her feet ached from her newly evolved Innocence, but some of the others caught in the attack looked worse. Except for Miranda, she looked the same as always, even after her near drowning experience and constant use of her Innocence.

“But it's the Noah; can’t they sense us by the Innocence which will then lead to a fight? Why can’t we send the Finders to investigate for us?” Chaoji asked. Chaoji was the newest exorcist in the Black Order, traumatized by the Akuma attack that had decimated his crew while protecting the exorcists on a mission to Japan that ended in a face off against the Noah family. While Lenalee could understand hating a group due to experiences, she wished Chaoji would stop glaring at Allen anytime he thought the other exorcist wasn’t looking, rubbing his new bracelets obsessively. Allen Walker’s connection to the Noah was a mystery, a link to the unknown Fourteenth member of the family which caused numerous of people in the Black Order to look at the teenager with latent hostility or suspicion.

“I can ask Johnny if the Science Department has anything that can mute or block Innocence.” Chaoji started as Allen spoke from the floor, turning his head so rapidly to look away from Allen that Lenalee could hear the neck bones crack from the other side of the room.

“We’re also going to need disguises,” Allen mused, tapping the side of his golem. “I got enough to send some of us out as Finders, but - what?” Silver eyes gazed about the room as the rest of the exorcists either stared at him or in Lavi’s cause, burst into laughter.

“Sorry, beansprout,” Lavi chortled through his chuckles, ignoring the routine protests Allen gave at the nickname, “but you sound so experienced at breaking and entering, it’s cute.”

“General Cross is my Master,” Allen deadpanned, “Breaking and entering so Master could go find some ladies to entertain was lesson number three. Do you really think he was invited into those houses as a family friend?”

“But should you be going, Allen?” Marie asked, a light frown pulling his lips down. “From what I’ve heard, it sounds like the Noah have a vested interest in you. Would they not recognize you on sight, regardless of what you’re wearing? Chaoji does have a point about sending Finders in, rather than the Exorcists.”

“Probably, if they saw me.” Allen shrugged. “But unless Lenalee has a problem with me going, I’ll sneak in and stay out of sight. She’s right, we need those answers. And at this point I can’t get them from anyone else.” Bitterness laced his tone and Lenalee wondered how frustrated Allen was with the Order. His Master might have the answers Allen needed to know, but with Central at Headquarters banning Allen and Cross from meeting because of their fears, Allen couldn’t even say hello to Cross in the hallway without one of them being yanked away. Yet, they had no issue in utilizing Allen’s skills as the Musician to use the Ark, though it was Noah in origin, forcing him to keep the gates open as the European branch of the Black Order moved to a new location. If it were Lenalee, she would loathe Central even more than she already did. She wondered if Allen, even with all his gripping of how terrible his Master is, missed General Cross even though they were both technically in the same building.  

“Like I said,” Lenalee smiled, “anyone who wants to come is welcome. This is already going to be a risky mission, but if we can pull this off, I know it's going to be worth it. And if we send the Finders, there’s no guarantee that we’ll ever hear the news. It may be deemed information _too sensitive_ for us to know.” Was Lenalee slightly bitter at the upper management of the Black Order? Yes, and _maybe_ one of the main reasons she wants to go on this self-assigned mission is to prove to herself that she could leave the Order as she wished, no matter if the goons from Central, especially Special Investigator Lvellie, were around. She wasn’t stupid enough to say that out loud, though she was sure Kanda already had an inkling just from knowing her for so long.

Miranda raised a shaky hand in the air. “I’ll - I’ll also go with you, Lenalee! I’m probably going to be useless, but I’ll try not to ruin everything and do my best, so please let me come along!”

“Miranda, you aren’t going to ruin anything.” Lavi squeezed past the other exorcists in the room to fling an arm around Miranda’s shoulders, ignoring Allen’s squawk of protest as he was pushed to the side. “Let’s go sneaking around together, yeah? That way nothing will go wrong.”

“You’re coming as well, Lavi?”

“Of course! As heir to Bookman, I think I need to be there, especially if there’s information involved.”

Marie shook his head, his covered eyes glancing in Lenalee’s direction. “I will not be able to go with you. I am too distinctive, and with my Innocence blocked, I would only be a hindrance to you on this mission. I will stay behind and cover for you from the higher-ups as much as possible.”

“I - I think I need to do the same.” Krory curled into himself. “I want to come to help but my Innocence is in my teeth. If it’s blocked, my teeth might fall out and that would be horrible! And- and-”

“Krory, it’s okay.” Lenalee interrupted, “You can help Marie keep Central off of our backs if things go wrong.”

“Which they will.” Kanda said stonily. “May as well go along and keep you all alive on this suicide mission.”

And that left just Chaoji. Lenalee was sure she knew what he would decide before he even opened his mouth.

Sure enough, Chaoji tried to subtly glare at Allen, before shaking his head. “I’m not going.” He declared.

Lenalee tried to keep the exasperation off her face, to hide that she knew, that everyone probably knew that the only reason Chaoji didn’t want to come along was because Allen would be there. “Okay,” Lenalee said brightly. “So, it looks like it’s Kanda, Allen, Lavi, Miranda, and myself are going. A better turn out than I expected.”

“Like we would have let you go off alone, don’t be silly Lenalee!” Lavi laughed. “Your brother would have killed us if that happened, and I’m not sure even Gramps could stop him.”

“Probably,” Lenalee agreed, her brother was notoriously overprotective, for good reason, though rather misplaced considering the line of work Lenalee was forever bound to. “Now, the Branch Head’s meeting with Central should be ending in the next few minutes. We should meet up in a few hours to go over the details of the plan when everyone is asleep.”

“I can start getting the goods from Johnny in the meantime.” Allen stated as he stood up, carefully pulling up Miranda around Lavi’s embracing arms.

“Wait, wait!” Chaoji said loudly as the group started heading out into the halls. “None of us can do this, it would be going against the Order! We’d be traitors!”

“Technically speaking, we’re already breaking the rules by meeting up in secret without an authorized personnel from the Order supervising us.” Lavi shrugged his shoulders. “If you really cared about following all the rules the Order put in place to _protect_ the exorcists, you would have read and memorized the handbook they gave you when you first arrived.”

“Don’t worry about it too much Chaoji,” Everyone filed out of Lenalee’s room and separated, each exorcist breaking off from the main group to head their own ways. Lenalee remained by the door, relishing the one bit of normalcy she could find in the Order; politely seeing her guests out her door. “I know you’ve been… at odds with Allen,“ Unfairly, she wanted to add but refrained from doing so, “But at least for the next few days, you can stay with Krory and Marie. And please don’t breathe a word of this to anyone else who wasn’t in the room.”

By this time, nearly everyone else had disappeared; she could almost feel Kanda lurking around the corner to where his room was located, waiting for Chaoji to leave before letting himself go inside.

“But why? Why is it so important that you take this risk?”

“You’ll figure it out one day.” Lenalee shooed Chaoji out. “And if we don’t find anything, you can be the first to tell us you told us so.”

Lenalee watched from her doorway as Chaoji slowly walked down the hallway to his assigned room. Hopefully, Marie would be able to keep Chaoji busy in three days’ time when the exorcists would sneak out for a party. Where they would probably die. A typical Saturday night pastime for the exorcists of the Black Order.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AKA, the lovely exposition chapter where Lenalee gets to be bitter and still cheerful. Because she's been through too much shit to not be bitter and I am fueling my own spiteful nature through her. 
> 
> Mr. Son is based off a character from my other favorite manga series (that's also on hiatus, I be cry) Saiyuki. If you haven't already, go read it because the art work in the later chapters is absolutely gorgeous. And Saiyuki Gaiden will make you cry. Every single time.


	3. She's My Miranda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The exorcists leave the relative safety of their home to go mingle with European Nobility who have all been invited to Sheril Kamelot's party. And Miranda gets her chance to shine.

_**Black Order - April 13th** _

__

Miranda had really wanted to help for this mission, but from the way things were going, it seemed she would be nothing more than useless as always. After the exorcist-only meeting in Lenalee’s room a few days ago, Miranda had gone back to her room and did absolutely nothing except tailor a few of the outfits Allen brought her while the others prepared for their completely not illegal venture outside of the Black Order without a mission. If they did get caught, the consequences _shouldn’t_ be too terrible; after all Miranda ignored the rules the Head Nurse kept screaming at her to follow and she was still alive despite Nurse claiming that Miranda only sleeping fifteen hours a week would kill her faster than an Akuma would.

So even though the Order hadn’t given their express permission to go ahead for reconnaissance mission, the higher-ups should be pleased when they returned with some hopefully valuable information. And even if there wasn’t any groundbreaking information, Miranda knew first-hand how irritating and frustrating it could be to have people you didn’t like knowing where you lived. (Sometimes, when she did finally quiet her brain enough to sleep for a few hours, she could still hear those silly children with their silly rhyme.)

She vehemently ignored the possibility that they could die on this mission, because that meant thinking of Lenalee or Allen dying, and she couldn’t bear to let that happen.

While Miranda had been busy stitching and fitting five different sized Finder cloaks and standard waiter uniforms that Lenalee’s contact stated his catering company utilized, the others had been busy with other productive tasks for their mission. Lavi had been sneaking around, changing the mission dossiers so it would seem that the five of them were out on an authorized mission even though all exorcists were technically grounded at base for the time being. True to word, Allen had gone to Johnny in the Science Department and asked for discreet communication earrings and some sort of Innocence blocking device that he could wear inconspicuously.  

“Apparently the Science Department already had these items made.” Allen dumped an armful of items on Lenalee’s bed where she, Miranda, Lavi, and Kanda all perched awkwardly.

“What the hell is this?” Kanda picked up the item clearly meant for his Innocence: a long black sheath etched with faint markings that would easily fit Mugen, his sword. “It’s too heavy to be a proper sheath.”

“Innocence dampers is what Johnny called them.” Allen explained. “Some sort of metal alloy that makes it difficult for anything to sense the Innocence and someone at the Asian branch mixed what magic they knew into different items for all known exorcists of the Order a few months ago. They were waiting for approval from Central to hand them out, but Johnny went to Reever, and he’s claiming to use them as a field test on the paperwork.”

“Did you tell them where we are going?” Lenalee asked as she put on a pair of thick socks over her new metal anklets. “This is so weird, it feels like the Innocence is… muted?” She frowned at her feet.

“Sort of? More alluding to the fact that we’re leaving and there’s nothing he could do about it unless he wanted Central to get involved and ruin everything.”

“Smart,” Lavi nodded, “The only people who hate Central more than Lenalee is the Science Department.”

“It’s not like having a cut budget actually stops them. Those idiots will still go around and do whatever experiments they like.” Kanda grumbled, still glaring at his sword in the new sheath. Miranda wasn’t sure why Kanda looked so disgusted at the gift Johnny and Reever had given him; she thought the sheath was quite pretty. Miranda glanced through the pile wondering what the Science Department had managed for her Innocence. It was rather big and cumbersome, even though they managed to scale it down from its original Grandfather clock form. Maybe she would just have to leave Time Rewind behind? But then what good would it be bringing her along if she didn’t have any way to protect herself at all while they went straight into the figurative lion’s den? Oh no, Miranda didn’t want to be left behind but if she -

“Miranda.” Allen’s voice broke through the endless tirade Miranda’s brain had caught itself in. “This is for you.” In his hands was a stretchy fabric, wide enough to cover Time Record in its entirety. “You can put Time Record in this and wrap it around your waist so it’s attached to your back, tight enough that it won’t be noticed if you put something over it.” Allen explained, leaving the damper in her hands. The material was textured, not quite rough but not soft like the silk fabrics Miranda had seen nobles wear while passing them by on the streets.

“It’s perfect!” Miranda cried as Allen gave Lavi a small bag to store Big Hammer Little Hammer in while shrunk; easy to slip in and out of any pocket. Miranda hugged the gift to her chest as Allen stammered to tell her to thank the Science Department when they returned from their mission.

 

_**Kamelot Residence - April 13th - Party Time** _

 

Somehow, they were still hopeful about this being a mission where they would sneak in and sneak out without any issues. They managed to sneak out of the Black Order under Finder cloaks, in the early hours of the morning and stop far enough for Allen to safely activate the Ark to transport the exorcists without any fear of the Order knowing he had used the Ark, to the coordinates Lenalee provided. Even though Lavi had changed Komui’s paperwork to indicate that they had traveled to a remote village in Ireland, Lenalee didn’t want to take any chances of being stopped, especially with members from Central still loitering around.

The five of them had arrived near the edge of the woods surrounding the estate, stepping through the white door of the Ark, leaving the Finder cloaks in the too-white hallways.

“We have two hours before the party starts. We need to get to the manor and integrate ourselves with the staff before the party begins.” Lenalee murmured, adjusting the vest of her top so it hung straight without any wrinkles. The vest covered a white dress shirt and black slacks that had been tailored at the hems, so the fabric wouldn’t drag on the floor, but instead ended a few millimeters above the heel of her boots. Her legs felt uncomfortably covered, the socks covering her new anklets added an extra warmth that Lenalee didn’t need nor want and she had grown attached to wearing skirts with shorts. Wearing pants after so long without just felt _weird_. Extensions had been placed in her hair and pulled into a ponytail to make it seem longer, which Lenalee had mixed feelings on. She missed having her hair long enough to tie up, but having her neck be free of the extra weight for the first time in forever had been _liberating_.

Lavi had tied his hair back and pinned in a bowl cut, black haired wig with the bangs hanging low enough to cover his left eye, reminiscent of his ever-present eye-patch. The look muted him somehow, and where before Lavi would stand still against a wall to memorize the events as part of his Bookman duties and simply be an unobtrusive bystander, with the darker colored hair, he seemed to simply melt into the background. Perfect for a desperate exorcist sneaking into a party full of Noah in their own home base. Or a Bookman eager to see how successful this unprecedented plan of attack would be dressed as a waiter. Miranda wore the same waiter outfit as the rest, black vest over white shirt and dark slacks and her hair pinned up in elaborate curls that she set with bobby pins the night before. No one in the group noticed or commented on the extra makeup Miranda had brushed on or how her outfit was baggier than the others.

They had gone over their rather hastily put together, plan of attack, while walking through the Ark. Lavi, Lenalee, and Miranda would join the catering company ranks and snoop around when they could, memorizing any snippet of conversation that they might overhear. Kanda and Allen were both too distinctive even with disguises; Kanda refused to put his hair in anything but his distinctive ponytail but compromised with changing his face shape via creams and eyeliner, but still looked too Kanda-ish for Lenalee’s taste. Allen, even though he had managed to die his hair a pale red - he had tried a darker color but that only made him look sickly - and cover up his scar with makeup no one knew he even possessed, still had a strange eeriness to his look, and found that he couldn’t move his arm once he put on the Innocence damper glove that the Science Department had designed for him. The two of them would be sneaking into the back rooms of the manor while everyone would be occupied at the party.

Even Miranda, as optimistic as she pushed herself to be, knew that this would probably end in a disaster; in the time - had it only been a year? - Miranda had never known any of her fellow exorcists to be subtle. They were all too noticeable, too conspicuous, especially Allen and Kanda. But that was fine. For once, Miranda had taken the initiative in something and would unveil it while the others were busy. She wouldn’t be able to stop the others from being noticed, but she could draw more attention to herself while keeping them safe. Hopefully.

Allen kept trying to move his left hand, the dark stained skin hidden and lifeless under white glove as they avoided tripping on any upturned roots. Though he hadn’t said anything about it after initially putting it on, Miranda - and she was sure Lavi and Lenalee as well - noticed the small twitches Allen made every few minutes, eyes glancing down at his hand in frustration.

_“Being a waiter is hard enough with two hands.” Allen had laughed after the first panic attack from not being able to feel his Innocence, which had left his arm immobile. “It’s been years since I managed to do everything with one arm, I don’t know if I even remember how I managed.”_

_“With great stupidity, obviously.” Kanda had grunted and the two started arguing._

Poor Allen, Miranda thought as the tree line broke and the estate came into view. It was massive, or so it seemed to Miranda; living in a small German town most of her life had left her unprepared for how the people of status lived. Though the main event would be hosted inside the manor, the lawn outside had been tastefully decorated with white standing tables each displaying matching floral baskets. Small twinkling lights glittered over the entrance, inviting the guests to the well-lit home. Long poles were placed around the lawn with ribbons of streamers crisscrossing gently over the grass and Miranda wanted to cry in appreciation. Whoever did the wrangling of the decorations was a genius.

“There’s a couple of Akuma around the edges of the property,” Allen whispered, his left eye focusing to the side of the manor. “None of them are inside the house from what I can tell.”

“Alright, let’s go then.” Lenalee ordered, already using the tree line as a cover. They all fell into step behind her.

 

* * *

 

 

Several hours had passed since they managed to sneak successfully into the estate and join in on the catering staff. Lenalee and Lavi had integrated with the rest of the serving staff and wandered around the hall serving drinks and appetizers to all the nobles in attendance and picking up on useless gossip - why would Lavi need to know that Madame Leontine was paying extra visits to Lord Wiscot in the Banks, when he was clearly above her station? He would never be able to forget this stupid piece of information; Lavi regretted ever agreeing to Lenalee’s plan. From the quick glances they were able to pass to each other between walks, hands full of trays, Lavi could see he wasn’t the only one regretting his life choices; Lenalee still walked with a subdued demeanor all staff were required to learn to avoid being in the party-goers way, but Lavi could tell that Lenalee was one more accusation away from drop kicking all the nobles to the center of the Earth.

Lavi could relate.

If it wasn’t just the two of them on the floor, maybe things wouldn’t have been so terrible. But Miranda had vanished within seconds of Lenalee and Lavi entering the kitchens, and she had only whispered that she was fine through the earrings before falling silent. Allen and Kanda had snuck off to the back areas of the manor as planned, but now that Lavi thought about it, sending the most volatile individuals alone together while on a mission that required stealth was a phenomenally bad idea. But it’s not like he could do anything while being surrounded by Noah, and worse, _nobles of the high European Elite_. Any chance he tried to go stand back against a wall for a few precious seconds were met with angry and demanding snotty insults.

_This is a mission. This is a mission_. Lavi chanted to himself. Once this day was over, he would never have to be a server again, regardless if Bookman duties demanded it. How people did this for a living, Lavi would never understand.

“Is that Miranda?” Lenalee’s voice hissed through the earring.

“What, where?” Lavi barely breathed out. Oh no. Oh no.

“Center floor with that man who had been standing next to Road on the balcony!”

Oh no.

 

* * *

 

 

Underneath her waiter outfit, Miranda had carefully tucked in an evening gown that she had sown ages ago, back when she lived in Schweinfurt and had applied for a job in a high-class establishment the town over who did not know of her curse. Needless to say, the job didn’t last long but Miranda had kept the dress and the humiliation of nearly burning the building down. A few tweaks here and there and the dress fit like a glove and she was able to wrap the long skirt around her waist in a way that was covered by the baggy waiter uniform. A small pouch tucked deep into one of the pant pockets held jewelry and extra makeup, which she put on as soon as she managed to break away from Lenalee and Lavi and find a small powder room tucked away in a back hallway.

Miranda had worked waiting jobs before, she knew exactly how devastating the customers could be, especially if they were of a high class and that information would be limited. She also knew the best way to get information about the Noah would be from the Noah, but Lenalee hadn’t seen it that way when Miranda tried bringing it up to her before they left. It was probably Miranda’s fault; being assertive to others was difficult. So, she pulled out her old dress, dusted it off, and went with the group with no one the wiser.

Miranda’s dress was deep purple, pulled tight against her chest and up towards her neck as fashion dictated. The bodice attached to the skirt in a high waistline decorated with small bits of metal that shone like jewels and the skirt fell to the floor, thankfully hiding her boots. Miranda had taken out the earrings the Science Department had given them and put in round silver pearl shape earrings; the other ones didn’t match. Once everything was in place and Miranda had hidden the server clothes in cabinet within the powder room, she wasted no time in stepping outside and in the great hall where the party was being held.

Miranda messed up with everything and she knew it; she didn’t have the confidence, or the skill set for many things. But pretending to be someone she wasn’t? Miranda had been doing that since she was a little girl. It was as easy as breathing to her. And right now? She was no longer the useless Miranda who could never get a job. For now, she would enjoy being Lady Sophia D’Onterre, sister of the elusive Lord D’Onterre who was constantly traveling for research of exotic flora worldwide.

 

It didn’t take long for Lady Sophia to find a group of gossiping ladies to join and speak to. They were all thrilled to see a new face, especially one whose relative had managed to avoid the public eye for years with his travels. And how thankful they were of Minister Kamelot for bringing Lady Sophia to them, Lady Florianne gushed. Lady Sophia smiled and tittered like she had been born in high court politics, apologizing for not being up to date on the names of the current upcomers in the nobility world, she had been away for so long with her brother! Comtesse Florianne reassured poor Lady Sophia that her lack of knowledge was only the fault of her dear brother, dragging her away from her home for so long. But Marquis Pellantae knew everyone who knew everyone and he would be more than thrilled to instill his wisdom to her.

Lady Sophia let herself be dragged off to meet the Marquis, who indeed did know everyone attending the party and then some, and elegantly grabbed a flute of champagne for the two of them to toast.

Miranda tried catching Lenalee or Lavi’s eyes as she was escorted around the hall with her new ‘friends’, but they were too busy trying to keep up the appearance of being servers. That was fine; both were observant and they would see her soon enough. Miranda’s anxiety rose as she peered around the ballroom and looked up to the second-floor balcony and found the eyes of Road Kamelot staring right back at her. Miranda would have started crying and shrieking, but Miranda wasn’t here.

Lady Sophia curled her lips in a small smile at the teenager leaning over the balcony, appreciating the cute dress and hairstyle that the daughter of the Minister of the Foreign Affairs wore for a brief moment before turning away to continue speaking to Marquis Pellantae. He had been jabbering on about the state of affairs in Belgium and Lady Sophia easily nodded along ignoring the stares she could feel at her back from the balcony.

Miranda doubted Road even remembered who she was, she wasn’t very significant compared to someone like Lenalee or Allen. So, she was surprised when a very intriguing discussion of the Mongol politics of the twelfth century was interrupted by a tap on her shoulder.

“Pardon me,” Minister Sheril Kamelot bowed his head before Lady Sophia, “I do not believe we have had the… _pleasure_ of being introduced. Welcome to my humble abode.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the entire reason for this fic to be written, Miranda taking the role of main grifter and following the footsteps of Lady Sophie Devereaux from Leverage by being a bad actress unless she's conning somebody. That's it folks, my life is complete (except it's not cause there's more Miranda coming).   
> Can you tell I love Miranda? I relate to her so much for I am also an anxious insomniac mess 98% of the time.


	4. Where Did the Party Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the multiple POV shifts because no one knows anything, except Komui because he secretly knows all at any given point in time. Finally, we get to see how the two boys are doing, and its a good thing there's a loud party happening while they try to sneak around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me say this straight off the bat, Chaoji is difficult. And I mean, I generally am neutral leaning towards ugh with him, but having a little snippet from his POV was... enlightening? I know I have a bias towards Allen because, hey, I've cried about and for him a whole bunch for so long during his journey (of pain). And having an in-universe not appreciate the poor tragic white haired anime boy is maddening. But it makes sense logically and I have no idea if I managed to convey that at all. But hey, I tried. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_**Black Order Headquarters - April 13th** _

__

Krory let out a small whimper as he ducked down yet another dim hallway, using the shadows to hide from the loud thuds of European Branch Head Komui Lee who stalked behind him holding an assortment of his ‘favorite’ tools.

“Oh, Krory!” Komui nearly sang as the large drill in his hands turned on with the press of a button, “I know you know where my precious Lenalee is! If you come out and tell me I will only check up on your Innocencefor half the time I was planning for!”

“I-I don’t know where she is!” Krory wished, not for the first time since moving to the Order, that he was an actual vampire like he had been accused for so many years; maybe he could turn into a bat just like the stories said and fly away to safety.

The others had left early in the morning, before the sun had even spilled over the horizon when security was at its lax. Krory and Marie had watched them go, looking out for any early stragglers, Kanda and Allen rowing the spare boat tucked in the corner of the underground cavern. Then they had both gone for breakfast, Marie only grabbing a cup of coffee and a bagel and heading back to his room to eat, while Krory sat with some Finders and tired members of the Science Division eating whatever it was that Jerry had cooked that morning. At that point, Krory had been more than ready to nod off in his room, tired from staying up all night begging Chaoji not to go straight to Komui once the group had left. Which he had finally reluctantly agreed to do so for Lenalee’s sake, but only if Chaoji did not see Komui all day. Lucky guy was holding himself up in his room with snacks he had pilfered from the kitchen in the middle of the night, which Krory was regretting not doing if it meant he could have avoided his current situation.

“You are a liar, Krory and we both know it.” Komui’s eyes somehow sparkled from behind his glasses the rotating drill head held close to his face; Krory thought he had known what fear was but his social anxiety had never prepared him for a scientist with a sister complex on a warpath. Krory had seen Komui enter the cafeteria just as he was finishing his breakfast from the corner of his eye. Maybe it was because Krory could see the subtle signs of an upset Komui or maybe it had been his anxiety kicking in at a 100% full guilt for lying but Krory listened to the dread curling within his chest and tried to skedaddle out of the cafeteria without Lenalee’s older brother noticing.

Clearly, it did not work out in his favor and now here he was, lost within the Order (again), running for his life from a demented crazy-high scientist. (He ignored the little voice in his head about how Eliade would have teased and laughed with him about this whole situation afterwards.) After leaving the cafeteria and feeling Komui’s eyes snap on him the very second his hands pushed open the doors, Krory had been trying to get back to his room and lock himself inside to escape the wrath and doom he could _feel_ ooze from Komui as the day progressed. But of course, Krory had gotten lost, turning left instead of right or something among the many passages at headquarters and now he was stranded in some part of the Order that he doesn’t remember ever walking through with Komui cornering him slowly but surely. How was he still getting lost after living here for so long?

Another turn and Krory stopped short, his tracks halted by the wall blocking his way forward. From behind, Komui’s shadow loomed; it was too late for him to duck back and make a break for it. This was his end; Akuma wouldn’t be the thing that finally killed him, it would be a homicidal overprotective brother who was - rightfully - worried about his younger sister doing something foolish.

“Krory? Komui?”

“Marie!” Krory could have burst into tears out of happiness as the other exorcist stepped down from an intersecting hallway. He was _saved_.

“Ah, Marie.” Komui turned, maniacal grin growing even wider if possible. “Just the other exorcist I wanted to see. I heard from reliable sources that you only spent 3.6 minutes in the cafeteria this morning instead of the usual 10.2 minutes. Tired, hmmm? Staying up all night to hide the whereabouts of my precious Lenalee?”

Marie gazed stoically at Komui. “She’s on a mission. There were forms filled out weren’t there?”

“Forged documents, don’t think I didn’t recognize Lavi’s handwriting trying to mimic my own on that paper Reever shoved in my face.” Komui snapped back, and Krory saw his smile drop for the first time this day. “I authorized no mission, especially not so soon after that breach and not while Central is here!”

“Lenalee didn’t want you know where she and the others went because Central is here.” Marie stated calmly. “I can’t say I disagree that Central knowing the stakes would have been dangerous.”

“How dangerous?”

“Noah-level.” Marie said after a pause and if Krory was able to get any paler, he would have. What was Marie thinking, telling Komui that Lenalee and the others had after the _Noah_? That was a surefire way of having Komui recall the others back regardless of how successful they were at infiltrating the Noah home base.

“Ah.” Komui sighed and his tools lowered. “I should have figured. Well, if she thinks she can handle the Noah at their own party, then we’ll just need to distract Central for the day.”

“Wait, you _knew_?” Krory nearly cried. All that running around, and fear and it turns out that he had known about their location the entire time?

“Of course.” Komui pushed his glasses up on his face with the back of his hand holding the drill. “Most of Lenalee’s contacts are my contacts and due to my position, my connections are much broader. And while I hate that she’s decided to go and do this while still recovering, Lenalee is smart enough to judge her limitations and capabilities.” Komui turned to Krory and tossed his tools to him. “Hold these, Krory! I need my hands free to think!”

“Wha-what?” Krory lunged forward and barely caught the drill before it stabbed into his leg. “You don’t need your hands to think!”

“Hush and follow me minions! We have chaos to reign down.”

 

Chaoji was conflicted. He had been conflicted since Lenalee had requested all of the current exorcists, minus the Generals on base, into her room three days ago to talk about sneaking out of the Order like criminals and spying on the Noah clan for information, when they had just killed almost half of the Order like it was nothing. And Lavi and Miranda had agreed with her along with those two other weird exorcists, Allen and Kanda. Chaoji didn’t know what to make of either of them; especially Allen and how down right _friendly_ he was to the Noah when they had been trapped in the Ark. Or the familiarity that the Noah showed him during the break-in. Chaoji didn’t like it; but it seemed like he was in the minority about his opinion of Allen among the members of the European and Asian branches. Granted, Allen had been nothing but polite and courteous to Chaoji, so maybe that’s just how he was with everyone; but it still left a sour taste in his mouth.

The clock on his wall chimed that it was three in the afternoon and Chaoji had been hiding in his room all day. The snacks he had pilfered from the kitchen late last night were all gone, and his stomach was demanding actual food, not just salty chips every hour or so.

And if he accidentally ran into Komui or someone in upper management, well he had promised Lenalee – through Krory - that he wouldn’t tell anyone as long as he didn’t see them today. And that party they were supposedly crashing started soon so it would be impossible for anyone to travel there to extract the team safely in time.

Chaoji opened his door, the Innocence bracelets clanking as they hit against the metal door, and he was immediately thrown backwards as large explosions sent a large gust of wind down the corridor. From the left, Chaoji could hear someone screaming profanities and a crowd of footsteps thundering against the floors.

_Was this another attack?_ _So soon?_ _Should he run towards the explosions or away? What did someone_ do _in these sorts of situations?_

“Socalo, you absolute shit!” Chaoji was leaning his head out of his door as a bright white blur dashed right passed him; blinking Chaoji followed its path and saw a blonde woman in a general’s coat riding on top of a giant gorilla chasing after another general with giant swords. The swords general was laughing; every few steps they would stop to attack the gorilla who only redirected the attacks into the walls, leaving craters and a cloud of smoke.

“Just try and have your _mico_ tap me again, _bruja!_ ”

“Oh, Lau Shimin will do more than tap you, bastard!”

“General Socalo, General Nine, please! We can’t keep doing this!” A man Chaoji didn’t recognize wearing a black suit with the Central logo stitched on the front lapel chased after the gorilla and the two exorcists.

He wasn’t the only one chasing after them. Barely a minute had passed where Chaoji was still trying to process the utter mess caused by the _generals_ of all people - although Captain Anita had been friends with General Cross and he had always caused trouble from the stories Mahoja would tell him - when a horde of people shouting after the Generals ran through. Scientists, cleaning staff, Chaoji even saw Nurse, running swiftly in front of the pack with a scalpel in hand and a terrifying gleam in her eyes.

_What was happening?_

“You are seeing my genius at work!” Behind, walking ever so smugly with a smirk on his lips half hidden by a coffee mug, Komui Lee himself sauntered towards Chaoji, watching the herd of people run and disappear down the hallways. Behind him, Krory has his hands full with a large bag and is in near tears while Marie seems to be almost grinning in amusement. _Weird_.

“A few words here and there, a few bribes called,” Komui cackled, “it’s laughably easy how quickly everyone will agree to make trouble for Central as a prank.”

“People from Central to tend to wind everyone up.” Marie mused.

“Ha! Well, I would have liked to add my Komuilin VII to the mix, but I suppose having the generals rampaging works well enough.” Komui took a sip of his coffee. “Now, Chaoji. From what Marie and Krory tell me, you were in the know about this secret mission my dear Lenalee has decided to undertake. I don’t believe I need to threaten you to keep _my_ involvement to distract Lvellie discreet, do I?”

“Uh,” Chaoji knew he hadn’t been with the Order long, but was the Branch Head always this terrifying? _How did he find out already?_ Did someone else already tell him about the party? “I’m not sure who Lvellie is, sir. But I did want to tell you what was going on! I was against everyone going!”

“I always knew there was a reason I liked you! But in all seriousness, Lvellie is from Central. The most important thing to remember, is what Central doesn’t know won’t ever kill them, but what we don’t know from Central, most likely will.” Komui wasn’t smiling anymore and Chaoji felt his stomach churn in unease. This was an organization for good, right? A religious organization which his crew, Anita and Mahoja and all his friends had _died_ for. But then why were the people who worked for the Black Order so nervous and afraid of their higher ups in the church?

“I have no doubt our favorite special investigator will find out eventually,” Komui continued, oblivious or choosing to ignore Chaoji’s dismayed expression, “But we can hopefully delay him finding out until after they’ve returned.”

“General Tiedoll was saying something about a new project Central has been working on, maybe he’ll be too focused on that?”

“We can only hope, Marie.” Komui said, shaking his head. “Now come, minions! Let us enjoy this fun while it lasts!” Komui set off in the direction the generals had gone, Marie following him bemusedly.

“I don’t think you need to hide in your room anymore.” Krory had shuffled near Chaoji. “Would you like to come with us to watch?”

“Um,” his stomach let out a loud gurgle. “Maybe I can join you after I grab something to eat?”

“Oh, okay! I can go with you if you like?” Desperation lined Krory’s face and Chaoji wasn’t sure if it was from his offer or having to be stuck with Komui with only Marie as a buffer. If that last few minutes had shown him anything, it was that the Branch Head of the European Black Order was wittier and craftier then what he normally portrayed. And though company might be nice…

“It’s fine.” Chaoji felt a little bad watching Krory’s face fall, but he needed to think some things over. “I’ll just grab something really quick and be back before you know it.” And maybe Chaoji was a still a little petty about this whole secret mission with the Noah.

The cafeteria wasn’t too far from Chaoji’s quarters. Within a few minutes he was already two hallways away from the doors that would lead him to an actual meal.

“Excuse me? Could you please help me look for someone?” An older man with light brown hair and glasses stood just outside the cafeteria doors. “I’m looking for exorcist Allen Walker, have you seen him?”

Why ask about Allen? Chaoji didn’t understand the appeal the teenager had on everyone. “No, I haven’t.” Chaoji walked around the cardinal - he was sure those the robes cardinals wore, anyways. “Last I heard, he was on some sort of mission.” Both statements were true; Chaoji didn’t know where it was that the others had gone to.

“Oh, that won’t do.” Chaoji heard as his palms touched the door.

Were those feathers?

 

* * *

 

**Kamelot Residence - April 13th**

 

Allen lead Kanda through the darkened hallways of the manor owned by the Noah with barely a stumble in his step. A small light in his hand lit the path he and Kanda had elected to walk along and every door they found they would spend precious minutes arguing while breaking in. Was the arguing necessary? Probably not, but Kanda knew just how to hit Allen’s buttons and vice versa and without the use of his left arm, it took him longer than he liked to lockpick a door open. Allen should have expected that Kanda would be useless when it came to having skills other than fighting Akuma.

Fine, it wasn’t that Kanda was purposefully egging him on - hopefully, because Allen definitely was- but it seemed that Allen was feeling more irritable than usual. Since the whole business with the Ark and Central coming in and how Allen was forbidden to even look in his Master’s direction. It was harder to keep Mana’s teachings of being polite in mind, something he knew pleased his Master but only left him feeling ashamed. Allen was a mess of feelings and all he wanted was answers, please and _thank you._

“That took you eighteen seconds longer than the other doors.” Kanda said as the door clicked and swung open.

“And once again, I don’t see you helping to go faster.” Allen grumbled as he led the way inside the room, torch lighting up the decorations that enhanced the richness of the manor. “It’s not like you’ve contributed anything to this mission.”

“I’ve been putting up with your slow ass in reading files, haven’t I?” Kanda shot back, already heading towards the large desk that took up the center of the room. It was covered in neatly in a stack of paper filled folders, a telephone in the corner, and photos filled with people took up an entire side of the desk.

“I have one arm, you bastard.”

“Your arms don’t have anything to do with your eyes, _moyashi_.”

“At least I remember people’s names, _bakanda_ ,”

Hands moved quickly through the files, skimming through the words and anything of interest was folded and placed in a messenger bag Kanda held over one shoulder, Mugen secured in a harness around his leg and under the pants of his outfit.

Allen was pleased with how uncomfortable it made Kanda.

“This must be Sheril Kamelot’s office.” Kanda had gone through a good number of the files. “Most of the paperwork here is all on some treaty and reports from different countries.”

“Nothing in the office. Must be where he actually works as the Minister or has meetings.” Allen ran his hands over the bookshelves and large objects displayed, looking for any hidden switches or compartments. There wasn’t anything hidden behind any of the paintings hanging on the walls. Wandering towards the desk, Allen peered at the pictures framed on the desk. Various pictures of important men in suits smiling solemnly into the camera were in the front, but behind those ones Allen found pictures of familiar girl being squeezed in a parody of a hug by someone with hair pulled back into a ponytail and a monocle on his face.

_Road and Sheril, maybe?_ Allen thought, putting the picture down.

“Hey look, it’s the Noah who nearly smashed you into candy.” Allen shoved a frame in Kanda’s face, portraying what had to be a family portrait of the Noah clan. Road sat on the shoulders of a man in a ridiculously tall hat, Lero the umbrella opened behind her and a cat on his lap. The Noah who Kanda had stayed behind to fight in gone Ark had a candy apple in his mouth while scowling and the twins, Jasdevi?, sat on the ground clearly laughing hysterically at something. Probably Tyki being stuck in a headlock with the monocle wearing Noah; Allen would have died happy if he ever saw that horrified expression on Tyki’s face in person.

“Are you really putting that picture in your pocket?”

“Blackmail, Kanda. Blackmail. Besides, from what Lenalee has told me about that Lvellie bloke, he’d probably accuse me of feeling sentimental and missing my real family or something anyways. Maybe as well get a laugh out of it.” Allen most definitely wasn’t bitter at how Central already thought of him as a Noah. Even if he did have this connection with the mysterious Fourteenth member, Allen knew absolutely nothing. Master Cross was the one with all the answers but had anyone asked him anything? Probably, but knowing his Master whatever he had told them wasn’t satisfactory.

“Hmph, they’ll always think what they want.” Kanda walked towards the door. “Come on, there’s nothing here. Again.” This had been the ninth room they had explored in a little over an hour. From the muttering through their earrings, the others weren’t having much luck either, too busy waiting on the nobles and trying very hard not to throw the numerous champagne glasses to the ground in frustration.

Even though the chances of actually finding any information was slim, none of them wanted to admit that they may have tackled this mission in vain.

“We should be coming up on a staircase or something soon to get to the upper floors,” Allen said following Kanda out the door, making sure to lock it from the inside before closing it shut, “and then we -“

Kanda had picked up the torch before leaving the room, taking the lead as light bearer. So when the dim yellow light stopped on a blinking owlishly Tyki Mikk in a fancy suit and an unlit cigarette in his hands, no one was sure who actually screamed first.

But it definitely wasn’t Kanda.

 


	5. Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Road is bored, Lavi is in despair, Sheril is in love (lust) and Kanda's stabby murder ideations are at an all-time high and the poor house never asked to be damaged. 
> 
> What's happening? Who knows? I certainly don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is where that Sheril/Miranda tag kicks in although nothing actually happens - except probably in Sheril's thoughts which the author would like no part of, thank you very much.

_**Kamelot Residence - April 13th** _

 

Road was bored and forbidden from playing her own games with the guests. Apparently, a room of traumatized nobles wasn’t good for Sheril, her dad’s, business relations with other governments. Who would have guessed? Definitely not decades old Road Kamelot trapped in a twelve-year-old body. Although trapped was the wrong word to use; if she had been any older, she would have to deal with the stupid marriage proposals all noble girls were expected to acknowledge, and Road preferred not to deal with that. Marriages were overrated, and the only person Road wanted to bring into _her_ family was already a part of it; he just didn’t know about it yet. His memories were still sleeping, the poor baby brother.

Road let out a heavy sigh and kicked her feet idly in the air. She was alone on the balcony, left to stew in her own thoughts as Sheril went down to mingle with the guests. He’d been talking with that unknown lady noble for a while now, Road could see him gesture enthusiastically at whatever it was the Lady had said.

What was her name anyways? Road could swear she had seen that face somewhere before, but she just couldn’t place it. Another party maybe? But no, then Road would have known her name. If the hair was more unkempt and there were more bags under the woman’s eyes, Road would have guessed that the noble was related to that one exorcist with the clock.

Ridiculous. She must really be bored if she was imagining exorcists at a party for nobles. But who could blame her? They were so much more fun to talk to than stuffy normal humans who considered themselves the high class of society.

Leaning precariously over the balcony, Road tried to see if there was anyone she could bother. Tyki has been looking pale so Tricia had sent him off to recover in an empty room a few minutes ago, she was busy going between groups of people, Jasdero and Devit hadn’t been invited after the last time they lose an entire flock of geese in the room right after Sheril had given his welcoming speech, and the Earl. Well, the Earl had been too busy to come so Road couldn’t even use him as a source of entertainment. And Tricia would never let her leave the party without causing a scene. Ugh.

Well, Road was strongly discouraged from messing with the nobles - no one would dare forbid Road from doing anything, except the Earl - no one had said anything about the servers. And with a good number of Akuma lost during in Edo, Sheril had needed to outsource to local catering companies for all events; at least until the Earl built their army of Akuma back up. And ruining the days of poor stupid normal humans would provide Road with the entertainment she had been sorely lacking night.

She licked her lips in anticipation and she walked properly - Tricia would be so proud - down the stairs. That server with the ponytail would be an excellent place to start.

 

* * *

 

Lavi was so, _so_ close to stomping on this noble’s toes and upending the tray of finger food all over their fancy suit. Or straight up kicking him and most of the other nobles at this dinner party the face. And he was considered one of the more level-headed exorcists; if Kanda had agreed to be a server, Lavi had no doubt that he would have stabbed someone with a butter knife in the eye. Lavi wasn’t ashamed to admit that he might cheer if that were to happen.

Even though this was a solid plan and none of the Noah had caught on to the fact that exorcists had successfully infiltrated their party, Lavi could say without a doubt that he was ready to call the mission quits and chalk it up to a failure. He was a Bookman, and _no amount of information_ was worth dealing with prissy nobles who considered the serving class to be nothing more than the dirt under the soles of their fancy shoes with hands.

“Server.”

The only positives that Lavi could see, were that Miranda was a surprisingly convincing noble -he barely recognized her without her constant stuttering and nervous twitching - and from the lack of screaming in his earpiece, Kanda and Allen hadn’t started trying to kill each other. Miranda had engaged in speaking with the man of the hour himself, Sheril Kamelot, who was either a Noah, or working closely for them since Road was posing as his daughter. At least she was making progress.

“Server!” Lavi started as a high-pitched scream bellowed into his ears. Whoops, he had been zoning out and there was a decidedly not happy guest wanting the drinks on his platter.

“Ah, my apologies, m'lord.” Give a little bow, look apologetic, _don’t say anything, don’t say anything_.

Thankfully, the noble grabbed the champagne glasses and left without incident, muttering about how the peasants could never do anything right, let alone their jobs. More preferable than that one server had their tray upended all over them and had been shouted at to tears by a laughing Road.

Lavi spotted Lenalee on the other end of the hall; maybe he could go and see if she managed to overhear any interesting news regarding the Kamelot family, and by extension, the Noah clan.

_Did Gramps know about the connection between the Kamelot name and the Noah all this time?_ He might have; he did work with them thirty-five years ago and if the family name was around then…

Lavi shook his head; daydreaming during a mission was a good way to miss vital information and be caught off guard. He was the future Bookman, he couldn’t afford to keep making these mistakes in the field. After the mission was done, after they had all survived and were back in Headquarters, then Lavi would go and ask Gramps again; maybe this time he might actually give him an answer that wasn’t _research it yourself_ _without asking me any questions, dumbass_.

Holding his tray of meatballs - that the chef had so lovingly exclaimed were known as _Fartes of Portingale_ \- Lavi made his way across the floor, offering as instructed a sample of food from his tray.

“Care for a bite to eat, m’lord, m’lady?” The weirdest part was not seeing Miranda flinch after sneaking up behind her. Lavi had done it countless of times while at Headquarters and each time never failed to have Miranda jump and shriek about ghosts haunting the hallways. But now? Miranda barely acknowledged Lavi as a noble would a servant, barely paused to grab the food to dainty place it on her plate and continue conversing with her current partner.

She was good at acting, Lavi had to give her that; maybe even better than Lavi himself and he was on his forty-ninth identity-persona.

It took him ten minutes of dancing around people and offering them food while listening to any snippets of conversation before Lavi made it to a whispering distance from Lenalee. She looked just as stressed as Lavi did and he wasn’t surprised that she kept glancing over at Miranda and biting her lower lip in worry.

“Still not over Miranda pulling the wool over your eyes?” Lavi carefully switched the tray to his other hand, prolonging how long he could chat with his fellow server before someone would notice.

“No.” Lenalee shook her head, her voice pitched low enough that Lavi had to strain to hear her. “It was a good idea and I think she might have been trying to tell me about it before we left, but…”

“But you’re still going to lecture her for the recklessness?”

“She’s talking directly with Road’s pretend father, of course I’m going to be lecturing her about recklessness.”

Lavi snorted. “Like we have any room to talk about being reckless. This was your idea, remember?”  

“Well, only an hour and sixteen minutes until the actual dinner comes out. Depending on the other two, we can either stay or sneak out then. And then my brother can lecture us all he wants.” It would also depend on whether Lenalee or Lavi could relay that message to Miranda, who didn’t have the earrings on any longer.

“Allen and Kanda have been rather quiet, have you noticed?” Lenalee muttered as Lavi started to walk away.

“Yeah, but there’s no explosions or broken walls so I’m taking that as a good sign. Maybe they’re finally getting along.”

Neither of them believed those words, Lavi didn’t have to be trained in observation skills to tell. But it was a nice hope.

 

* * *

 

Sheryl was having the night of his life. Well, no that was an exaggeration. The night of his life was becoming a Noah of Desire - the pain was rather hard to forget - or even the night Road agreed to become his daughter to sell perfect family image Sheril needed for his political career.

But while tonight may not have been the actual best night of his life, he was still having a grand time chatting with the mysterious Lady Sophia D’Onterre, a rather chatty and witty lass with many opinions gathered from her travels abroad. He wouldn’t mind having a _more in-depth_ conversation with the Lady, preferably someplace private, and if the looks Tricia kept throwing him as she joined their small circle, neither did she.

There was a reason Sheril had chosen Tricia to marry and it wasn’t entirely all due to how easy it was to control and use her as a status symbol. People looked at the pale, fragile woman and thought she was the perfect docile wife; and she was, but even Tricia had her wild side which Sheril could appreciate.

“and that arrest for treachery. I met Captain Dreyfus just a few months ago at a Gala, there is no conceivable way he would have ever betrayed his country. Not with that loyalty.” Lady Sophia spoke with Tricia. _Dreyfus?_ _Ah, that’s what they were talking about._

“Yes, but with all the talk from the Church, no one will bother trying to prove otherwise.”

“The Church will always be at the heart of some sort of scandal,” Sheril interrupted, “but I’m sure Lady Sophia didn’t come to this lovely gathering for French politics,”

“ _Au contraire_ , Lord Sheril,” Lady Sophia hid her laugh behind a delicately placed palm, “French politics is exactly why I sought you out. Tell me, what are your feelings towards the Church?” Lady Sophia clearly loved to make people uncomfortable, Sheril would be lying if he Said he wasn’t amused by her cheek. But to discuss the Church…

“Don’t tell any clergyman, but I loathe the Church.” Loathed and hated for as long as he could remember, mayhap even before the Earl and the rest of his family, including Tyki, came into his life. Maybe it was a precursor to the awakening of the Noah genes. “I would probably burst into flames if I ever stepped foot inside.”

“I hope that was an exaggeration, my lord. But I can’t say I don’t share your sentiments for at least the manipulations among society that the Church plays.”

“A young, beautiful woman traversing the seas with her enlightened brother, instead of finding a rich husband to settle down with and bear him heirs for the rest of your life?” Tricia grinned airily. “Whatever would the church have against you, Lady Sophia?”

“Clearly I have no sense of decorum, Lady Tricia.” Lady Sophia sniffed haughtily and Sheril was struck by an urge to burst into giggles. _This_ , this was the reason for getting into politics. The connections and personal relations that he could play with; the strings he could tie around people to dance them around to his tune. It would be so _easy_ to include Lady Sophia into his life; to have another little doll for his precious Road to play with and for someone to keep Tricia company.

“My brother, the Lord D’Onterre is allowed to romp around Africa and no one says anything about his marital status. Heaven forbid I should want the same!”

“I’m sure some sort of agreement will rear its head to solve all your problems soon, my dear. That’s our darling Road’s favorite phrase.” Lady Sophia really was quite charming, both in looks and personality; Road would be pleased.

“How kind of you to say, Lord Sheril.” A flash of something flitted across Lady Sophia’s face, but it was gone before Sheril could put a name to it. No matter. “Please, tell me more about your daughter. You’ve hardly said a word about her this entire night.”

Oh? She wanted to know more about Road?

“Well, that’s my cue to leave.” Tricia laughed. “Once he gets started about Road, good luck getting him to stop. I’m sure he loves her more than me.”

“Oh, absolutely. Road is precocious young lady.”

“She is a special child,” Tricia agreed and came around to kiss Sheril on the cheek. “Let me know when you’re ready to go to the back, darling. I think I shall see what the Ducostes are up to.”

“Of course, Tricia.” Sheril reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a wallet filled to the brim with pictures. “Now, let’s get started, shall we? Look, here’s a picture of my darling Road last year for her school. And there she is with my younger brother, Tyki. And her uncle Adam, aunt Lulubell, but we don’t mention the cousins.”

 

* * *

 

This mission was easily topping the list for most troublesome and hated mission in Kanda’s second career as an exorcist and considering he had been on too many missions to count, that was quite a feat. In fact, Kanda had noticed that the majority of missions which left Kanda irritable (and at death’s door) usually involved the bean sprout in some way. Granted, Kanda had had missions before the damn _Moyashi_ turned up at the gate that succeeded in shortening his already dwindling time span, but nothing that included the absolute bullshit of sneaking around the God forsaken Noah manor with a God forsaken Noah.

Because that’s what he was doing now; walking behind the bickering pair of Allen and that weird, casual, too friendly and too pretty asshole Noah, Mugen held tightly in his hand and ready to draw the millisecond Kanda’s hackles rose. Which they already were, but as the _Moyashi_ pointed out, the bastard had refused to fight and asked to join their little venture once the argument of who screamed first died down.  

“I’ve got no idea what’s going on, anymore then you do,” The Noah had said, picking up the cigarette and sticking it back in his mouth, much to both Kanda and Allen’s disgust. And after criticizing the bad hair dye job Allen had done, and claiming how red wasn’t his color. Kanda wasn’t sure why - beyond the fact that it was a Noah - Allen had kicked him hard in the shin for that comment.  “And I’m getting just the tad curious myself, so I’ll follow you around.”

“How do you know we’re looking for information?” Allen had asked.

“I mean what else would you be doing sneaking into our home like this? I’m not stupid.”

“Debatable.” Allen had muttered. “We could be here to sneak bombs into all your rooms and blow this place up, for all you know.” Regardless, Allen didn’t take off his gloves; he didn’t see the Noah as a threat and as much as Kanda wanted to strike the Noah where he stood, he didn’t move. Kanda had nearly killed himself fighting one Noah and from what he heard about the aftermath of the Ark incident, this was the Noah the _Moyashi_ and Lavi had gotten thrashed by. Picking a fight with him would be stupid, especially when the Noah was feeling benevolent tonight.

Kanda hated this, and he hated that Lenalee had talked him into joining her on this stupid suicidal mission and he _absolutely_ hated that he had gotten stuck with Allen fucking Walker because shit like this _only_ happens around the cursed idiot.

“Oh please, you wouldn’t harm a fly, let alone blow up an entire building with hundreds of people inside.” And now the Noah was smoking inside, fantastic.

“I would happily maim every single person in this room, don’t test me, Tyki.”

“Oho, those are fighting words, boy. Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t maim everyone first.” Tyki lead them up the stairs and down the hall to a door ornately decorated with skulls. “Or that Stabby Long Hair there wouldn’t stab the both of us first before setting this place on fire.”

_Gladly._ Kanda thought bitterly; he wouldn’t waste his breath on the nutcases.

“What door is this?” Allen asked instead of continuing his current conversation with Tyki.

“Oh, this is the place that’s going to have all the information you need. Maybe. It’s the Earl’s study.”

“No.”

“Yup.”

“But… the door?”

“I know.”

“It’s….”

“Hideous, right?”

“I was going to say that’s exactly how my room is decorated, and I want to steal that door because it would match better, but sure.”

“What in the actual fuck, boy?” Tyki stopped in his tracks to stare at the commodity that is Allen Walker. Kanda knew that look well.

“What, it’s part of my aesthetic!” Allen protested. “Now, are you going to open the door for us?”

“Me? Why would I open the door for you? You clearly somehow opened Sheril’s office so I know you have lockpicks or something on hand.”

“You have a hand that can go through anything! I would have killed to get an ability like that when I was younger.” The last sentence was muttered under Allen’s breath, but Kanda still heard him. Knowing what little he bothered to remember the others talking about General Cross, Kanda believed him. As much of a sentimental fool General Tiedoll was with Kanda, at least he had never been abandoned in India and left with mounds of debt to clear up.

“Well, yes. But breaking into someone’s room is rude, boy. Don’t you have any manners?” The Noah knew his words would piss the exorcist off, judging by the smug look he shot Allen. Not that the stupid bean sprout would attack the Noah in a fit of rage over an insult, that was something _Kanda_ would have done.

“You bloody stuck your hand in my chest, you creep. You don’t know what manners are.” Allen pushed passed Tyki and squatted in front of the door, pulling out his lock pick set with his right hand and carefully inserting two of the picks in the keyhole.

“I’m surprised the Earl doesn’t have magic locking this door.” So was Kanda; seemed a gross oversight on the Earl’s part. Was he that confident that his enemies would never find themselves here?

“How do we even know there’s something of value here? For all we know, this asshole could just be wasting our time.” Why hadn’t that occurred to Kanda earlier? As friendly as he seemed (and as much as Allen seemed to trust him) Tyki Mikk was still a Noah. Kanda’s hand clenched around the new sheath that held Mugen. It made him feel a little less helpless about the situation.

“I never waste my time, Samurai,” Tyki said breezily, “doing so would expend more energy that I’m willing to spend. Besides, I’m all also interested in what the Earl plans to do. I want to see if I can get a vacation to Brazil slipped in soon. And being told that I’ll understand everything when the time is right gets a bit tiresome. It’s terrible for - Boy, are you picking the locks with _one hand_?”

“Mmmhmmm.” Allen didn’t look up from the door, fingers wrapped tightly around the picks that he had carefully inserted into the keyhole.

“You’re breaking into the Earl’s office door. The being that is your immortal enemy and has been around for literal millennia and this is the room he goes into for work, and you’re trying to open the door with one hand? Is your innocence damaged ag-“

“Crown Clown is perfectly fine, no thanks to you!” Allen snapped.

“But I can't sense it, so it must be broken, yes?”

“Did you think we were going to waltz in here with our innocence activated? Have you never heard of the concept, _sneaking in_? Of course we found a way to hide - gaack!” Allen gurgled, eyes wide as his knees hit the floor, his metal lock picks clanking next to him.  

“ _Moyashi_!”

“Bloody shit!”

Long white tendrils wrapped around Allen, around his neck and arm, and from the wheezing sound barely making it passed his lips, it was tight enough to cut off any oxygen entering his lungs. Battle honed instincts spurred Kanda into action, Mugen already sliding out of the sheath and into his hands. He swung down, barely a few feet away from the back of Allen’s head and _nothing?_

“Oh, so that’s how you vanished.” Kanda could hear a swish of fabric against the floor and from next to him, the Noah let out a sharp exhale. _Who the hell?_

“You really shouldn’t run off like that Allen. You worried both me and the Heart when you left. Especially with the Noah so close to you.” From the stairs, with a soft smile stretched serenely across his face, was a man dressed in Cardinal robes; and not just any Cardinal robes Kanda realized, but robes specifically worn by the members of the Vatican Church who were in the know of the Black Order. Impossible as it was, the white tendrils choking Allen to the ground were coming off the Cardinal’s outstretched palms, not even a scratch from Mugen trying to slice it off.

“Did you seriously invite a _priest_ here?” Tyki muttered. “Of all things, honestly.”  Tyki surged forward grabbing the tendril wrapped around Allen’s neck with his hands. He hissed, smoke rising from where his hands touched the tendril. “Bloody Innocence!”

“I am not here for you, Noah.” The Cardinal had eyes only for Allen and in a swift motion, had moved and sent an uppercut into Tyki’s jaw, throwing him to the floor. Within a span of seconds, the Cardinal wrapped his arms around Allen, the tendril around his neck moving to hold him by the chest as the strange Cardinal knelt with Allen cradled gently in his arms, whispering something too low for Kanda to pick up. One of the Cardinal’s hands brought Allen’s left hand up to his face and he smiled as he yanked the glove that had been blocking the Innocence off and Crown Clown activated as Allen let out a shriek of pain.

“Samurai, get him -” Kanda couldn’t hear the rest of what Tyki had tried to tell him; he was already moving, one hand still on Mugen and one outstretched, reaching to pull Allen away.

_Moyashi_ \- Allen - was screaming, twitching like his muscles were seizing up and the Cardinal - if that’s who he even was - continued to smile and patted Allen’s light red hair like this was normal. Like having a teenager writhe in pain on his lap was fine and _why wasn’t Crown Clown protecting him?_

“Let him go!” Kanda barreled into the robed man and pushed, letting all of his weight fall down to topple the both of them over. Kanda rolled off and grabbed the back of Allen’s white cloak, courtesy of his Innocence, and stumbled a few feet away. Allen’s screams died down into guttural coughs and Kanda took it as a sign that the other exorcist would be fine. Both of their Innocence were now free, it wouldn’t be long before the other Noah came running. Not a suicide mission, his ass.

_Where did he - ?_

“That was very rude of you, child.” Left! Kanda crossed his elbows, his left arm covering the side of his head while his right braced underneath. A fist hit his forearm and Kanda let out a sharp exhale as his bone bent from the force. _If that had hit my head…_

“I’m simply doing what is best for Allen, what others also know is best for Allen, and yet you openly defy me?” The Cardinal hummed. “How can you call yourself an exorcist?”  

“I don’t know you.” Kanda growled. “I don’t like you. Stay the fuck away.” He drew his finger down his blade. “ _First Illusion: Hells Insects!_ ”

Familiar winged blobs emitted from Mugen and launched themselves at the Cardinal.

“That’s not going to work, Yuu Kanda.” With arms outstretched, the Cardinal let the illusions land on his skin and they faded away into the air.

“Sorry, but I am going to have to ask you to leave!” From the air, a multitude of purple butterflies cascaded down on top of the Cardinal and Tyki stepped into view, skin grey and his forehead proudly displaying the stigma the Noah family was known for.

“Tyki, do you know him?” From the ground, Allen shakily stood, his right clown hand gripping his left hand-claw tightly, Crown Clown settled reassuringly across his shoulders.

“Joyd does.” Tyki’s grin stretched impossibly wide across his face, as the horde of butterflies - _Tease_ , Kanda thinks they were called - were all disintegrated by an explosion that took out the nearby wall. “It’s a sentient Innocence, so your attacks won’t work. The Earl has been looking for it for a long, long time.”

From the smoke, the Cardinal had shed his clothes - and his human skin after pushing back Tyki’s attack. White skin stretched and cracked taut over the tall body and a small cross was embedded in his chest.

“The Earl calls it Apocryphos.”

 


End file.
